So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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