Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
