he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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