The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
