I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize