I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
