Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
