Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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