She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
