I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
