I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
