thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
