why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
