its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just found puke in my bra..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
