yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
