Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
