he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
