New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
