I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she looked like the before picture.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
