If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the condom got lost in my hair
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
