She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
