I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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