apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
