Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
