if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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