Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
