She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
