I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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