haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Oh god it's open bar.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
