Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
