Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
