this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
