This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
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will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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