I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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