I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize