She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
