i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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