so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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