dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Vodka?
Forever.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
