I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize