I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
