Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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