Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Randomize
