Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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