I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Randomize
