When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
