I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
