if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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