How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
