I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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