I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
