The maid of honor just puked.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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