I just saw a hot homeless man
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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