He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
