Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
