I just pynch a tree in the face
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
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im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
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Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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