Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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