Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It was confusing and full of hummus
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
