haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
