Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
