So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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