Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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