my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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