he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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