I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
3 2 1 whiskey
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
