do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
