I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
