epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
