Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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