How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
