I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
