Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
