once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
